Sunday, November 14, 2010

I’m sweet and sour…~~~





I’m sweet and sour…simple sentence…but full of meaning and most importantly it describes me…~~~

Recently since my last post…I’ve changed once again indeed…this time…not that relevant in compare to few “other” times…just perhaps some changes that for me POSITIVE and full of VISION…changes that changes me thoroughly…inside my soul and outside of my daily life…out of my expectations…I’ve changed to someone totally not me…

Right now I’m feeling great…keep pushing my limit’s to the edge of everything I’ve been through…although in time sacrificing all those “relationship” which perhaps for people I’ve been planning it or purposely doing that…in fact…I’m lost…

I’m LANSI…??? Really…??? Perhaps I am… Just hoping to get something which I really wanted…Succeed in every way I can imagine of…I need to sacrifice a lot…I have my own choice to be fair…to be straight…please don’t control me…even my family can’t understand me and to be frankly don’t even trust me…why…??? I just believe I can and I will prove it…~~~

I’m lost in term of everything I use to be…in term of everything people knew is me… I’ve heard someone said that…its essential to “KICK-OUT” those negative people or things that will straightly affect you in every way…I knew this won’t be easy for me…but it’s all depends on them to decide and act…

SWEET moments gone for ages from me…it’s absolutely not the thing which is going to change me nor help me…Discouraging in nature…I have to eliminate it from my soul…DreamBoy…just do what you are born to do although it’s not the one which people is going to agree with you…SOUR is waiting you…~~~!!!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

NIGHT LIFE…~~~!!!

Who says that “NIGHT LIFE” is only clubspubloungeliquor and heavy dances…??? Night life isn’t just about fun…excitement…adrenaline and romance…but for me it’s about spiritual balance…relaxation…doing something interesting and mind-set building…~~~!!!

Perhaps I’m kinda different at something from teenagers from my age…different in term of mind-set…different from thoughts… and different from understanding…perhaps just for a simple reason that I’m CRAZY…~~~

EMO…this word have been around me for a year now…yup…perhaps friends around me thinks that I’m getting EMO-ING just because of relationship problem’s…but its far more than that…far more than anyone could think of…far pathetic then then anyone could imagine…Race, money, studies, feelings, hurts, status, perception, other people words…things they have said and relationship could be reason’s…do you ever thought about that…??? Sometime I would be as silent as a LOG…sometime I would be anti-social as terrorist…sometime I could be not a GENTLEMAN in an occasion…all this is just a way for me to cool down…to forget those pains temporary…but why I’m doing all this…??? I have no ways…T.T…~~~

From the day she said that I’m not a GENTLEMAN…I’ve decided to be like this…to express everything to me and only me…try to conceal every inch of pain into me…to subside it like it never happened before…~~~ Hanging out at the beach alone at night…Hiking Hill’s at the early morning when the sun is at a deep sleep…taking magnificent night shots all around this world are my choices to express it…~~~!!! THIS IS ME…DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE…~~~
















Sunday, September 12, 2010

There's always a FIRST TIME for EVERYTHING…~~~!!! (THE NEW ME BEGINS)

There's always a FIRST TIME for EVERYTHING…~~~!!! (THE NEW ME BEGINS)
It’s been a while after I wrote my last pathetic blog post…why…??? Because it gives me a smack on my face…right through my heart…I shouldn’t write that is it…??? Anyway it’s my fault and it’s going to be the same through the ages…blown away by the greatness of time…
Talking about time…5 months have passed since I changed my lifestyle once again…from a socializing…fun and jerky…compassionate…kind and a person who really puts everything on her to someone who is kinda more chaotic…wild being…outgoing and can be said more outdoor type of me and without forgetting a more HAPPY ME…~~~!!! THE NEW ME BEGINS…~~~!!!

But looking back to time…to be exactly…I really miss those time living with those memories…but I can’t afford to be sad anymore although deep into me…there is some dust of pain…~~~ No comments about it also leh…~~~

A lot of remarkable experience I’ve done during all this period of changes…Won ONE HERITAGE game…knew a lot of friends from there…kinda appreciate those friends cause they are the reason for me to fall for photography…X-amazing game was just great…although it’s just a near to victory combat…Genting trip with my fellow buddies…was fun…enjoying and relaxing I describe it hahax…And a Night Hike to bukit bendera with 4 of my person…!!! This is really crazy thing to do…Go for a hike at 3am is really way tooooo crazy…~~~!!!

Well…last few week was a real…how I describe it as SO DAMN WONDERFULL weeks…met with a lot of new friends…FAMINE 30 and PRE-CAMP was terrific…~~~!!! Bunch of new friends from PHOR TAY gave me a whole new dimension of life and make me appreciate friends…kinda wonderful people’s they are…~~~ Enjoyed my holiday with them hahax…~~~ But at the same time I was sad cause I figured out that she isn’t getting well but worse…dunno why she wrote that in her blog…and I wont knew it from anyone around too…I just hope she will be alright that’s all…~~~

OK…now I knew I’ve adopted the field of PHOTOGRAPHY in myself apart from videography which I can say I’m PRO in it…Right now I’m just trying to get the right move and feel in it…learning from scratch and some guidance from ALPHA members and also my new friends I knew recently…I started to fall for PHOTOGRAPHY already…hehex…~~~!!!
Captured some great photos since the ALPHA workshop which I’ve attended…and remarkably…I won the ALPHA photography competition…Get an extra year of warranty for my brother a.k.a. ALPHA 550…~~~ Let the pictures describe me…>>>















Tuesday, June 15, 2010

YES I'm MOLIU...~~~


The moon at paradise make me feel SICK...It’s going to be 3 months soon huh…Everything still fresh in mind…How to get rid of it…??? Yaya...perhaps like you told me next year after I leave here and forget everything I had before right here…Yes you understand everything and I’m terribly wrong…I wonder if I can keep silent till the end…yes I can’t…

You wanted to know what happened between me and my friends…??? The truth is nothing happened…!!! But why I’m acting soooo fucking weird and perhaps very KIAM PA…??? It’s all because I wanted to forget you…forget everything I had before…forget everything I’ve done before…forget everything you told me before…forget every single piece of memory I eager before…YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS all this is MOLIU for you…but for me it’s the only thing I can do now…when I miss you I don’t even dare to tell you…when I really really thought of you I can’t even speak out cause I’m scared I will annoy you…every single place I’ve been with you I don’t even dare to go again…every single person who can recall my memory back I can’t FACE them again…this is me…MOLIU…~~~!!!

I still remember your best friend told me when I asked her why I do so much for you when I don’t want anything from you…she said…It’s your problem la…you your own self wanted to do so much eh…nobody force you…hmmm perhaps she’s right…NOBODY ever FORCED me to love you…

Another friend of yours told me before…Is it by caring you is the way I show my love to you…hmmmm after few visit to paradise and a deep thought…I figured out…I know her meaning d…perhaps she is right also…I’m not qualified huh…All this words really kills me…and I know you understand right…and I don’t understand…

I always thought you can’t FACE me…but the truth is I can’t FACE you…yes…you will be my only person I love always but I know you won’t allow me to do so…perhaps can’t even care you right…you told me few days ago…it’s my choice to like who or not to like who right…what do you think now…is it really my choice…??? I can’t FACE my friends anymore…It’s absolutely not your wrong…I know after you see all these you would disappear as you said before…but you are making things worse…you thought if you disappear perhaps can’t even contact you would make things back normal…hmmmm you are wrong…yes I’m begging you once again perhaps as you thought so…I don’t want you to disappear…I want to see you at least in the normal way we had…I want to know that’s all…SORRY…T.T...

It’s not FAIR to some people around me…especially my best friends but all I can say is NOTHING…let it be la…I don’t want things to happen this way too but everything has its own reason to happen...I’m changing myself to be selfish now…its hard but I think I can work it out…I believe in one idiom…GOOD GUY DIES BAD GUY LIVES…this is true as I knew it from what I can see around…

Actually I know what is the reason things happened this way…perhaps I’m different huh…maybe in some way I’m really different…different from every friend I have…you know what I mean…I dunno whether that is the reason or not cause you didn’t tell me before yet…It’s ok I don’t want to get myself hurt also lolx…~~~

For now I really hope you’ve accepted my apology that day before you gone for your trip…but what can I expect..nothing perhaps…I don’t think I have anything to say anymore just be yourself as always…And I’ll be myself too…don’t DISSAPEAR that’s all…SORRY…~~~ I am MOLIU…~~~I hope you can say something…

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I Still Miss HIM...~~~

I don't know why this few weeks I'm having so weird kind of feeling...so weird and odd...Perhaps a lot of things came by for a visit...I wish everything will be alright...but end up nothing different...I know I'm capable of control my feeling's already...but still and will have feeling's right...??? When this happens what did I do...??? I've done something that i really hate myself few days ago...I LIE...haix...Hope I LIE for a good reason but after a deep thought...I FELT is my FAULT to do tat...extremely wrong...sorry...~~~ Hmmm...I don't know but still I believe for everything happened will be a reason...

Today I miss HIM badly...~~~

Friday, April 9, 2010

Sweet Dream Or Beautiful Nightmare...~~~???

May my life like toilet paper...long and useful...~~~

Well...a lot of things happen right after my GREAT accident...I really mean it...It’s damn a lot man...~~~!!!

Hmmm...well I’m hoping to recover as soon as possible but you know things just won’t happen the way u wanted it to be...But it’s ok cause I’ve accepted what happened to me actually but just that a bit disappointed la....~~~ Emmm...let’s see...CT scan shows cracks when I thought it was only 1...LEFT TEMPORAL EXTRADURAL HAEMORRHAGE...PNEUMOCRANIUM...COUNTRE COUP RIGHT FRONTOBASAL CONTUSIONS ( MILD )... I’ve checked on the internet...kinda normal case whereby lost of hearing is normal...well it’s not normal for me for sure...haix... What to do...things happen d...~~~
For now...still having dizziness...headache getting worst...everytime it gets in I would just lye down and dream lolx...~~~ Still remember Sunday when I had that dizzy when I was driving back home from QB...my god...I was so scared...Like floating on my seat...Just thought of LORD that time then everything goes smooth...~~~

ENT ( EAR NOSE THROAT ) department is where I have been referred to...GREAT machinery tats all I can say...Get me checked up with 6 different machines...Results shows that there is no defect’s to my Cochlea or something like that or to be more simple my ear organ’s...but my cavity had been pressed by the cracks...to be honest I think it’s going to be permanent...nothing I can do about it...~~~

Well EAR had finished checking...it’s my head’s turn...Wednesday gone for another scan...shows mild haemorrhage ( INTERNAL BLEEDING )...should be ok as it doesn’t affect any part of my brain lolx...but still cause some effect’s like dizziness and etc and still need to take some medicine la...Lost 5KG all because of the medicine...haix getting thinner and thinner nia...but I still wan football and badminton in my life...~~~!!!

Saw my motor the day before...well it creeps me out...looks like I’m pretty lucky I guess...I love my motor so much helps me a lot for such a long time...but everything end’s like that...hope my dad can repair it soon cause I wanted to see it alive again...T.T...~~~
Sweet Dream or Beautiful Nightmare...~~~












For few days I was so damn EMO leh...dunno why oso...Go everywhere also alone...But actually it teaches me a lot of things leh...I found out a lot of things and theory...1 biggest and most important theory which I figure out was when u put someone 1st...you end up last...sometime very pity to my friends also leh...why so down cause of some stupid ppl leh...~~~ Why I did I say that...dun ask me leh ask them la cos I dunno how to say also...Just think it deeply la...got truth eh...~~~ Paradise beach was the best spot to be EMO lolx...lying down and watch out stars and see old messages wao...so romantic and relaxing...was nice but still HURT la lolx...and sorry I din reply summone msg that day really sorry ya...make you worry nia...sorry sorry...anyway LOVE is not everything yet la...cause I feel nothing is everything...Everything is you yourself ba mostly...”I’m overboard and I need your love and FOOL me up”...love this sentence sooooo much...cause it’s sooooooo true...~~~ “I’m drowning I can’t swim on my own and I need your love”...this sentence leh...??? I dunno how to say oso haix...cause I don’t want to be the one to say it out...walao leh...why I say this in my blog like talking to me myself aneh pulak ...~~~ Love you PARADISE ^.^ I can take care my own feeling’s now sooooooo happy no need to tell anyone yipeeeeee...~~~!!!

That’s Entertainment...~~~

Well Monday won an iPod casing...lolx so funny nia...Simply go participate a contest in Facebook and won it wo...me aneh gao meh lolx...claimed it at QB...~~~ Well I really like that casing...it fits well to my new iPod...huh my new iPod..??? Yaya...My iPod have a new look babe...And I love it...!!! Why did I change it...??? Cause I want to change too...I mean totally change leh...haix...dunno why that morning I think of that suddenly...well for now only me and my iPod is my best life partner...I love MY iPod and my iPod love me lolx...~~~ ( SHINING IPOD and SHINING ME )







Wao...get tiok my Jersey liao...I choose 20 wo...ok bo...??? I want choose 11 eh...but end up don’t want...cause I don’t like kua...maybe...~~~ Complicated nia my feeling this week but I like it...cause I’m fucking relax man...really...~~~ Emmm...nice material oso leh the jersey still satisfied la...~~~ But I still wanted number 11 haix...~~~









Saman ah saman...sienx nia you ah...why u came up when I wan use my money apalah you...I want eat holiao go holiao eh place eh si you pulak come find me...haix...My RM370 fly d lo...but nvm la...is my wrong ma so bo huat... Nvm la...memory ma ho...keep it save la lolx...dunno what I’m saying oso...~~~

After all bad luck I had this week...but I’m still happy leh...Cause I really din share my happiness with anyone also...I feel happy cause I have time to focus on my happiness...Wao...I really like it...really do...~~~


Well...nice week with many lessons...I deserve it kua...The most important lesson I know can d...cos I still believe it is the best lesson I had since long long time till now...~~~ Enjoy My Own Life And Cherish My Own Family And Matter’s...Selfish coming back...??? I don’t know...Problem’s made that...Not my fault...!!! ( LOVE MYSELF NOWADAYS CAUSE I NEVER REGRET WITH WHAT I HAD DONE )

Sunday, March 21, 2010

My ears are now MONO...no more Stereo ear's for me...~~~

Normal Monday I thought...woke up late and reach school for chemistry class at 10am where the class starts at 9am...OMG...so sia sui nia...~~~!!!


Hmm...experiment done well...get result well...everything done well...pretty smooth I describe it...12pm sharp go back home and had a lunch and what I did wrong is I should not have that little NAP...what’s up...Late again to tuition...

Reach library at 3pm and had a dizzy maths class hmmm...5pm happens something that I thought I already explained well...Sooooo pissed off that moment until I made my choice...after tuition I stay back for a while and typed that GRAND LETTER and send to the respective person...guess what...That is my biggest mistake in my life...~~~!!!

7.45pm...perhaps that clock already been ticking long long time ago...that time had reached...What I still had in mind is I saw a motorbike overtaking a car on the other lane and what to my surprise is that bike is right in front of my bike... 1st action came up into my mind grab my laptop with my left hand and.............I don’t really sure what happened...what I heard is a loud bang and I lost my consciousness.

Hmmm...next thing I know I woke up on a hard BED...starring at a man who looks at me with DULL face...I asked him where am I...he replied GH...at 1st I don’t really sure what is GH perhaps because of shock I think...Did I involved in an accident...??? He says...I think so... Allan came up beside me... became clear after he told me everything... My left ear was wet...used my finger to feel it and to my surprise it was blood oozing out from my ear...Normal tear I thought...

Around 11pm had my 1st CT scan for my head after informing my family...quite scary at 1st when I was pushed in that BIG monster hole...it was a fast process thou... On my wheel chair I get to go outside of the emergency unit and I was sooooooooo surprise that so many friends are already there...I get to know a lot of the story as they tell me...looks like it was a nasty accident huh...Thanks to Keat Keat, Sean, Elvin, Allan and Burger for helping my dad to settle my motor on the incident ya...I am so lucky to have u guys...

After a while I thought of her...I tried to find my hand phone to tell her what happened and to my surprise they already told her...I know she had a shock but I really worried cause she was working that time...Only thing I hoped that time is I hoped that she won’t worry me so much as I was OK physically... 12am my CT scan result was out...To my horror I’ve been pushed to Critical unit...

Next...Vital machine...Gas inhaler...Feeder and Tetanus have been plugged on me...I still remember that FUNNY faced doctor came close to me and tells me that I had a severe bone crack on my head...I asked her are you joking...??? I’m afraid I’m not...Keong liao la...hoseh liao...I saw that naughty Sean taking picture through the glass window... I sms’ed them when I am being pushed to ICU for further observation...Hmm...I was soooooo scared that time...I never thought that little bleeding from my ear will bring to this big case...haix...~~~!!!

I was so lonely that night and I sms’ed her secretly hiding from the nurses...slept at 4am and woke up at 6am for another scan... The pain killer shot was a nightmare for me throughout my stay at GH...make me tremble for at least an hour and gave me headache like killing me...In hell I describe it...~~~!!! Only she knows how pain I was that time...I’m glad she accompanied me throughout my nightmare...~~~

Thanks for those who had visited me...And thanks for those especially Survivalism participant who bought funny funny foods for me but I’m sad I can’t have it that time...But I will have it soon lolx... Sean ah Sean...Your dragon-I I say nia la...no need treat me soooo holiao leh...lolx...~~~ Thanks Yin Xuan for caring me so much throughout my stay...but I tell u ah...you don’t ka wa LAP ah...~~~!!! Allan thanks for everything u helped me...I know you also quite shocked...But I this few months really very SUI...bo huat...~~~ San hui...you scare tiok me ah...how come you will know I accident 1st eh...lolx...~~~ My classmate thanks for visiting me ya...I really appreciate that...~~~ I tell u ah...that stupid Malay with no licence eh ah...I will kill you if I have chance to confront you ah...lolx...~~~

4 days of “HOTEL STAY”...like in hell for 4 decade lo...I really hate that Pain killer shot lo...sipek gaix nia...dunno is pain killer or pain bringer...lolx... Thursday I confirmed with my consultant and discharged with hassle...so slow nia their process...

20 of march I received my medical report and discharge summary...Horror came again...I am having 3 skull cracks when I thought it was only 1...LEFT TEMPORAL EXTRADURAL HAEMORRHAGE...PNEUMOCRANIUM...COUNTRE COUP RIGHT FRONTOBASAL CONTUSIONS ( MILD )...OMG...so serius lo...haix...~~~ Well I need to have my follow up with Neuro Clinic soon and I have referred to ENT ( EAR NOSE THROAT ) department as I’m having mild hearing loss in the left ear...~~~






Now...The only thing I hope is I won’t need to operate my head and I hope that the blood clot will subside soon... Thanks to all my Friends and Family for caring me so much...  ~ I LOVE YOU ~

Saturday, February 27, 2010

ALL THE CARE...~~~

Sometime I just feel I’m Selfish...Sometime I just feel I’m Stupid...Sometime I just feel I’m Sick...And sometime I feel I’m Simple...well...all those word comes from someone I care...someone I appreciate...someone who is really special to me...someone who I really cherish to be with...

I believe what the person had told me...I believe she wants me to be happy...to have my normal life back...to be with my friends...and to less care her...Well do you think I can do that...??? I don’t know whether she understands my feeling and my crap thinking...but I hope it’s true that I’m making my own decision now...the decision that I hope will make things better...

To be honest...I know I have changed or perhaps getting worst...but I’m not changing to a person who forgets past and began with something new...something different...or perhaps something they think I don’t deserve to have...


Maybe what they say have its own truth...maybe they are right...maybe I should not have one...should not have something that not belongs to me forever...But...I don’t really know what to do...


Right now...I believe no one but someone I really trust...someone who I believe won’t let me down...and you know who is that...sometime you really give me guidance and advice which I never aspect...I want you to be honest...but I don’t deserve to order you...I’m no one but just a stupid guy who is uncertain with his own crap problem...Stupid just like you pronounce it...

I believe what I think all day long is not something I just simply think...all those thinking has its own root of problem...causes for me to think that...and it never related to you...I just see those things as real and serious...I take it serious...that’s all...I hope you won’t worry about me cause of these things...but I hope you will understand and perhaps just scold me if you can’t stand it...I really hope you will scold me...it sounds funny but I need a lesson...~~~!!! Maybe I'm just not the one you expect I am...I'm weak... You wonder why I said sorry...it’s all about myself... (STUPID PEOPLE)

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Girl's Need Them...~~~!!!


Essential male friends…~~~!!!
Girls, read up and learn. Girl’s need them honestly…~~~


For me it is important to have a variety of friends throughout our lives…especially ones which we know we can go to when we need some advice or common sense…someone to hang out with and keep us company or to have a good flirt with.
Many women have their girlfriends as their confidents and close advisors, but some guys are just as good in what I say friend talk…Despite being let down some of the time by many of their fellow male friends…there are some guys that can make us feel great.

The adventurer

This is probably a guy that you could have met on a holiday or have known from school or college. In your mind, he is the memory maker. He is someone that makes fun and when you are around him, you know you will never be bored. He has fun ideas up in him to keep everyone entertained.
He will no doubt, push you out of your comfort zone, but you will afterwards appreciate it and learn that there is always time from wild exploits. This isn’t a guy that you will be able to turn down as he is always on the move.


The friend “with no” sexual tension

While you are obviously aware he is of the opposite sex, there is no chance of you jumping in to bed with him. Here’s hoping he feels the same way about you. If this is the case, then this is a measure of testosterone so straightforward and loyal, that nothing (apart from maybe a new girlfriend) will blemish it.
Most importantly, this male friend can strip away man-talk and give you the reality so-called male wisdom. He’s like a brother from another mother and a guy that you can jump into bed and watch a XXX film knowing that there won’t be any wandering hands.


The friend “with” sexual tension

You have wild fantasies about this guy and while you love to think about them, it is not something that you would act on. And that is a good thing as there is a valid reason why the two of you haven’t reached ‘that point of no return’. You know at the end of the day, that it isn’t a great idea and one that will ruin a perfectly good and fun friendship. Harmless in small doses.

The charmer

Flirting with someone, or having someone flirt with you is an instant pick-me-up and therefore, it is essential to have a male friend that is a smooth talker and charmer. We all have our off days and knowing that we have someone in our address book that gives out flirtatious and positive comments like nobody’s business, is great to have around.
A little harmless flirting never hurt anyone, especially when you know it isn’t going anywhere and it's just a bit of fun to have.


Valued friend

There are some guys that we meet and know are going to be great friends for a long time. So many people come in and out of our lives and it is sometimes hard to keep in touch with everyone. However, this person is someone who has added value to your life. He is the man with good values, disciplined and focus.
They are the type of men that make you realize your dreams in a positive way without soiling your hands or delving into immorality that there are good men out there that you can date... but not this one. He is there as a friend and advisor.


The totally honest guy

The thing is, with girls, they don’t always tell each other the whole honest truth when it comes to opinions on what they are wearing, other girls and of course, men. Girls, can of course, be a bit catty amongst one another and rivalry can be high, even with close friends. On the other hand, they can be tactful among one another so as not to hurt one another’s opinions: “that’s not weight you have put on, it’s just a bit of water retention.”
A guy can tell us straight without making us feel so offended. They are simple creatures and tell things how they are and how they see them, like: “Hmm, you’re looking a bit frumpy today” or “you know the guy you are dating is a freaking looseer” It’s not always what we want to hear, but a male friend like this is honest and straight to the point.
He is the gateway to how men see you ( THIS LOOKS LIKE ME Heeee… )

The gay friend

Gay guys are still guys, too. Same state of mind, just a mixture of girls-in-hot-tub and muscle-boys-on-sports-field. You get the idea, and thankfully, that aggression will never be directed toward you and you get the best of both worlds. These guys I mean gays are good in take care feeling’s to the limit…and they did that pretty sniftly…~~~!!!


Don’t You think I’m right…girls need them…and start searching now….Hahax…~~~

Friday, February 12, 2010

Do You Remember...~~~???














































































































































Maybe I have misunderstood...Maybe I'm Crazy...Maybe I'm Thinking Nonsense...Maybe I'm Sad...Maybe I've Done Wrong...Maybe I'm Sorry... ... ...
But now...I Want It Back...